Thursday, April 15, 2010

Facebook Wedding Invitation - Really?


At the risk of sounding catty and judgmental, I just had to share the news I received this morning. I was checking my Blackberry around 6:15 a.m. and saw that I had a Facebook notification, featuring an invitation to an old college friend's wedding. Yes, that's right, my first wedding invitation via Facebook. In the words of Liz Lemon, "What the what?!"

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but seriously, what has the world come to? Can you not spring for a nice paper invitation? And what gets me, is that I haven't seen this guy since college. He "friended" me last year and every now and then we may comment on each other's status but only on rare occasions. So, I think it's odd that I was invited in the first place. But, apparently, his entire "friend base" in Facebook has been invited, so there.

This is his second marriage and I can understand doing a low-key wedding in that circumstance. I totally get that. But announcing it via Facebook and having people RSVP that way? And, in lieu of gifts asking folks to bring a dish for the potluck reception - really? Maybe my old-fashioned, Southern sensibility is coming out in full-force today, but I'm going to say it: you just don't do that!

Okay, I just had to get that out of my system. Am I alone in my thinking here? If so, again, forgive me for my cattiness. Now back to our regular programming. ;)
Image courtesy of www.calligraphylady.com.

38 comments:

hostess of the humble bungalow said...

You know it does seem in bad taste but there is so much tech stuff out there that I feel like I am becoming a dinosaur...maybe a tech etiquette book needs to be written! It's quite possible that they are on an extremely tight budget? I cannot imagine doing this!! aagghhh......what the what?

Jan said...

I thought it was sad when I recently received two birthday party invitations via Facebook. A wedding invitation -- even worse.

JMW said...

Hostess, you are right, they could be on a tight budget and I'd hate to be calling them out for that. (My guilt intervenes!) Although, I also hate to see good manners and proper etiquette go completely out the window. I realize some people are just socially awkward and perhaps I just need to accept it and get over it. But, it's so hard sometimes! :)

teresa-bug said...

I don't even like to communicate through Facebook. I prefer the old fashioned real email.

Short Southern Momma said...

I have never received an invite on FB...except for a stupid candle party my brothers girlfriend wont let go of. She was sending me so much junk I finally had to "hide" her. haha

xoxo

Main Line Sportsman said...

Facebook wedding invite...how tacky...your opinion is shared.

Beki - TheRustedChain said...

I'm with you. Good old paper would be better!

myletterstoemily said...

yikes! what is the world coming to?

choosing the invitations for my
daughter's wedding was one of
the most gratifying parts.

second weddings are way out of
my league.

Splurgie said...

I enjoy facebook for fun. It's a great way to see and post vacation pictures, snapshots of kids and pets and enjoy the exuberance of a friend whose team has won. But a wedding invitation? Oh my.

*The Beautiful Life* said...

As much as we may hate to see it, I somewhat think this will become more and more prevalent among the upcoming generation. They live & die by Facebook and it is completely natural for them to organize every manner of function via Facebook. I wonder if by the time the middle-schoolers and high-schoolers of today are planning their marriages, it will be completely normal to just set up a Facebook "events" page for it and have everyone RSVP that way.

Have said that, I'm still with you -- I'm a lover of beautiful papers anyway, and you just cannot beat a beautifully executed invite.

Perhaps I have it all wrong and 50 years from now paper wedding invitation companies will still be going full force -- let's hope so. :)

Ruth

Amy R. said...

Funny:) maybe they decided to go "green" and save the paper. I wonder if people not on facebook received real invitations.

Molly Lou Gifts said...

I seriously thought there was going to be some joke at the end of your post. "What the what?" is right!! It's sad that regular email is becoming "a thing of the past."

Facebook? An email invitation would have even been better than that. I cannot believe it and am really appalled. I also find it to be weird that you would invite your entire friend base. Everyone knows that a lot/most of the people you are "friends" with on Facebook are't really friends. Acquaintances and some people from your past (and perhaps present) that you just want to stalk. :)

Someone needs to send his future bride an Emily Post book. That can be your gift along with the macaroni and cheese you were asked to bring. :)

ESB said...

I completely agree. I have received a few invitations via facebook for both weddings and other parties. I even get a little offended when I get a mass facebook message asking for addresses for invitations. There are many other more personal and appropriate ways to invite someone to an event without resorting to a mass facebook shoutout.

pve design said...

I must admit, I am an old fashioned gal, love to get real mail, but just this morning an e-vite came for a b-day party - and I guess it is easier but a wedding?
Perhaps we are saving trees.
pve

bevy said...

I know a lovely little store that does beautiful wedding invites (bit o' self-promotion her!!!), but to each his own.

Oh. my. word.

Jo said...

Even on a tight budget you can get creative and send lovely invitations. This is on the verge of being rude ~ just my thoughts.

Jo

Jane said...

Yes I much prefer paper and pen, and it is really not that expensive - teach yourself calligraphy - that is what I did for my wedding menus.

Anyway I guess it is no different to an email invite which have become common place but I agree, a wedding, even a second one, should have a more permanent invitation. xoxo

Toad said...

The only realistic response is to send an egift in return. perhaps a photo too.

Amanda Profumo said...

STOP! NO!
You just don't send evites or Facebook invites or email thank you notes... it's not proper, and it's definitely tacky! How do you hang an evite on your fridge to remind you of the special date? Are you really going to tuck away that special email thank you note?
In a sea of junk mail, wouldn't it be nice to receive a treasure of a letter or invitation in your mailbox?
Sister, don't even get me started...
P.S. If someone is on a tight budget and getting married for the SECOND time, maybe the courthouse and a quiet dinner would suffice...

sara said...

How utterly bizarre...I've seen some etiquette faux pas on Facebook, but this one takes the cake!

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Rick said...

Not surprised that you are miffed! You have every right to be. It is sad when important events in people's lives are reduced to a "Let's Party" invite from Facebook or a Tweet from Twitter. If this his second marriage, I suspect a third might not be too far down the road. Did he find his wife-to-be among his anonymous Facebook friends? Most sad. Says a lot about society.

the pink prep said...

no matter who you are, where you're from, whatever the circumstance...a fb invite is NOT OK! i'm not a big fans of e-vites either! as one who has gotten those sort of invites, i feel like an after-thought guest!

Jessi said...

Oh my gosh, really??!?!!

teaorwine said...

one word...tacky. If you would like me to attend your special event and send along a remembrance in the form of a gift, please send an appropriate invite in the mail, thank you.

Elizabeth said...

sounds like it is more of a very casual wedding.....i wonder if they sent invitations out to family and close friends and then anybody else that wanted to come was invited? you know how engagement announcements are usually posted in your local paper? I dont know though....i love getting snail mail and when it comes down to it i agree on the tackiness. A birthday invite is one thing, but a wedding invite?

alex said...

what a faceebook wedding invitation..It's a great way to see and post vacation pictures, snapshots of kids and pets and enjoy the exuberance of a friend.
Thanks for sharing... keep it up and we will be waiting for your next post.




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cycter said...

i thought fb wedding invitation is normal until i got one from my close friend (most likely not anymore)

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Unknown said...

If I received a wedding invitation to someone's wedding I would be so offended that I wouldn't be able to hit the no or decline button fast enough. I have so many family members and friends who do not have facebook accounts so I either don't invite them or I take the time to write them a note or pick up the phone and call them. Either way, I put some effort into inviting them. I took the time to let them know that, even though I can't afford the high priced, formal wedding invitations that you buy from a printer, I honestly do want them at my wedding. So, thinking along those lines, if I was the one getting the facebook invitation, I would feel like they cared more about money than having some of us there. For crying out loud, what did this person do? Take a few moments in between reading emails and looking at other peoples status updates and type a quick invitation? I recently hosted a HUGE baby shower for my daughter. My husband and I are on a very limited income so I couldn't spend very much money but I wanted the party to be super nice. There were so many other ways I came up with to cut costs for the party. Instead of having the shower at someplace that I would have to pay for, I had the reception in someone elses house, instead of having the meal catered or even trying to supply and prepare all of the food myself, I enlisted the help of family and friends who contributed food, my daughter chose jungle animals for her theme and I bought the most adorable jungle animals invitations and decorations at the 99 Cents Only Store and the Dollar Tree since I could not see ordering more expensive stuff from the online party stores when invitations and decorations are just put in the trash after the party. I got way more stuff all in the same jungle animals print from the 99 Cents Only Store than I would have through the cheapest online party store and saved 60%. I bought all the prizes for the winners of the games from these 2 stores and was able to put 4 items into each gift bag with things that the game winners would actually use, like 5x7 picture frames, small vases, note pads for your refrigerator for things like your grocery list and several different colored dish clothes and dish towels with each game prize costing me less than $6. If this person was so cheap and so lazy to write some simple notes or make the phone calls to invite people to their wedding than they should just go to some place like Vegas or their county court house.

Unknown said...

Push-button relationships seem to lack substance. There is a "real" life outside the Facebook box.

rbuffington said...

My husband and I are these kind of "tacky" people. I have never EVER wanted a traditional wedding of any kind. It was a second wedding for both of us and we were basically "eloping" until we came up with the idea to marry at the place we met and later recognized we were in love. We put an open invitation on facebook with only 24 hours notice telling people to come by if they felt like it. We did not want people to feel they must, get gifts, or anything. We didn't give them the time. We also told them not to feel bad if they couldn't come by and have a drink because of prior obligations. We did phone our parents and family members not on FB, and we had the whole thing filmed to show to anyone who wanted to. No fuss, no muss, but just happy celebration of a couple who had decided they want to share their lives with each other. We are slightly odd but loving people with an open circle of friends. We meant no disrespect for anyone, but we also did not want the expense, anxiety, or pomp and circumstance for anyone (including us). Don't judge others harshly. If you don't want to go, don't go, just wish for them to have their day and wedding their way. Our love and commitment is serious, we value our friendships, and we wanted a casual celbration our way.

rbuffington said...

Oh by the way, for the more formal among our friends who brought gifts anyway, we sent paper thank you cards with personalized messages on them. In fact, I regularly leave thank you notes for people and send real birthday cards and letters to love ones. I have a heart, I just don't care to sweat and get anxious over lots of formal details I don't care for, nor did I want that for my husband or our guests. We got a real minister as well. Weddings have gotten out of hand for so many, with the average being $20,000.00 nowadays and lots and lots of expense for loved ones (think formal clothes, showers, registrys,wedding gifts, babysitters, etc...) The people who came to our wedding were simply well wishers who had no expectation other than joining us for a hug and a drink. They wore jeans and could come or go whenever they felt like it. It was held at an outdoor bar.

Kris Thomas said...

Rbuffington: Thank you for posting an alternate opinion to the other responses to this blog, which I came across as I was researching creative, green ways to invite people to our wedding. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years and are both in our 40s and it is a first marriage for both of us. Like you, I NEVER have felt the pull that a lot of women (and probably men) feel to have a traditional wedding and neither has my boyfriend. We are fortunate to have tons of friends and family and want them all to share in this momentous occasion in our lives. However, we would rather spend our money and time creating a GREAT CELEBRATION (good band, good food, good location) than paying for silly printed invitations that are eventually going to wind up in a landfill. I'm sure there will be some people we invite that will cringe when they have to go to a website to RSVP, but all I can say to that is...etiquette evolves! Get on with it and don't judge people so harshly because they don't do things the way you did it 20 years ago.

Unknown said...

Thanks Kris. Do what you think is appropriate and makes you happy.

Some things are more important than others when planning your wedding. Personally, I believe that many a wedding invitation will be around a lot longer than than spaghetti served at the pasta station, but if a GREAT CELEBRATION is what you are looking for, go for it!

Maybe it is a generational thing, but I certainly look forward to sharing the memories of our wedding day with my children and grandchildren by looking through a wedding album with photos, invitations, menu cards and wedding programs. After more than 40 years our family remains interested in sharing these "paper" wedding memories.

Best to you.

deb1953 said...

DO send paper invitations. It's the appropriate and NICE thing to do. Let me tell you what is happening in OUR family. My son's step-daughter, whom he did not raise, is getting married. She posted an 'event' on facebook, where she invited all of her 'friends'. She asked everyone to RSVP on the event listing, and also posted a link there to her gift registry. Here's the problem.... I found out that she DID actually send out paper invitations, as well as the fb posting, however, I failed to receive one. One month before the wedding, she messaged me, via facebook, asking if I was attending. I responded by saying that I had not received an invitation. She said that she must have sent it to the wrong address. I then gave her my home address (which everyone in the family knows), and waited for an invitation. One never came. Last week, she messaged me again, asking if I would be attending. Needless to say, I will not be, nor will I be sending a gift. I WILL send a congratulatory card after the event. It will not contain cash, only my sincere best wishes for a happy life. Apparently, she didn't think my presence, OR my present, was very important.

Richard May said...

Fully agree that a formal invitation demonstrates respect for the importance of the occasion. I realize that "elegant" invitations may not be within everyone's budget, but I would certainly prefer a well-worded formal invitation than an extra pasta dish at the buffet.

In my opinion, there is simply no excuse for not respecting this important tradition in Western culture. It is a wedding, not a party!